It can seem easy to just close the door on our past. Rather it be things done to us or to others.  For those that have experienced abuse, rape, molestation, addiction the list goes on.  For those that haven’t experienced these things say “Get over it”! the enemy knows those buttons to push to make us question who we are.  Have you ever asked yourself AM I WORTHY?

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Those three words have haunted me for many years. At the age of 48 you would think I have the answers to what keeps me repeating the same cycle.  Living in fear, building a wall around me so tall and strong that trust is something I don’t know how to do.  My fear is being afraid to allow anyone to love me.  I startle easy and many because they don’t know my past find it funny.  But to me it is far from it.  We are not suppose to be fearful as Christians.

The Lord Is My Shepherd

A Psalm of David.

23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.[a]
    He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness[b]
    for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,[c]
    I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
    your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
Surely[d] goodness and mercy[e] shall follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell[f] in the house of the Lord
    forever.[g]

The comfort of knowing He is with us should be enough.  We are babes in Christ when we except him into our lives and understand we are saved by grace.  As we grow by reading his word and truly understanding it we realize our Father wants us to seek him and talk to him. Yes he knows our hearts and all that we have experienced and even those we have wronged.  You can believe that by claiming you believe and have faith will make it all disappear but that just isn’t the case.  As babes we learn and as we learn we grow up and learn to see that in order for our past to not control us in the manner it has we have steps to take and the first is understanding why we react in the way we do and most importantly is that even though we want those that have hurt us to feel the same pain we do.  It isn’t for us to deal with.

 Romans 12:19King James Version (KJV)

19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

I believe when I decided to start counseling I was led by God.  Yes he in our true healer but he has also put those in our path to help us see what he has always wanted for us.  My counselor has helped me look within.  It’s like looking in the mirror and seeing the past role play over and over all over my face.  It’s not easy but I know if I am not honest with him let alone myself this cycle will hold me back from experiencing what God has intended for me.

Our past can impact how we are in our marriage, children, work, friendships ect. This world is cruel enough to beat ourselves up and not seek our Lord is only pleasing to our enemy who enjoys our suffering.

Many see me as a very strong person but that is whom I have been forced to be but inside I am weak and vulnerable.  To carry this image everyone has of me is a burden.  We can live our lives in everyone else s eyes but we are to be true to ourselves but most of all to God. If we live to please everyone else and go by what they think we are denying ourselves and what is intended for us by God.

When we are put in a uncomfortable place we need to seek HIM and believe what he has brought us to he will bring us through it.  Nobody in this world has sacrificed for us in the manner that our Father has for us whom are sinners saved by grace.

I welcome your comments or how God has changed you.  My blog is to help encourage others and know we are not alone know matter what walk you are on.

God bless you all 🙂

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